Crash Course in Management Speak
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Says: |
Means: |
That's very interesting. |
I
disagree. |
I don't disagree. |
I disagree. |
I
don't totally disagree with you. |
You
may be right, but I don't care. |
You have to show some
flexibility. |
You have to do it
whether you want to or not. |
We
have an opportunity. |
You
have a problem. |
You obviously put a
lot of work into this. |
This is awful. |
In
a perfect world. |
Just get it working and get it out the door. |
Help me to
understand. |
I don't know what
you're talking about, and I don't think you do either. |
You
just don't understand our business. |
We
don't understand our business. |
You need to see the
big picture. |
My boss thinks it's a
good idea. |
My
mind is made up. I am adamant on the subject. There is no room for
discussion. But if you do want to discuss it further, my door is always
open. |
F%^$ you. |
I appreciate your
contribution. |
F%^$ you. |
We're going to follow a strict methodology here. |
We're going to do it my way. |
I didn't understand
the e-mail you said you sent. Can you give me a quick summary? |
I still can't figure
out how to start the e-mail program. |
Cost of ownership is a significant issue. |
We
want all of the benefits and none of the costs. |
We have to leverage
our resources. |
You're working
weekends. |
Individual contributor. |
Employee who does real work. |
Your project is on
hold. |
We've put a bullet in
it. |
Wrong answer. |
You
didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. |
You needed to be more
proactive. |
You should have
protected me from myself. |
I'd
like your buy-in on this. |
I
want someone else to blame when this thing bombs. |
We want you to be the
executive champion of this project. |
I want to be able to
blame you for my mistakes. |
We
need to syndicate this decision. |
We
need to spread the blame if it backfires. |
We have to put on our
marketing hats. |
We have to put ethics
aside. |
It's not possible. It's impractical. It won't work. |
I
don't know how to do it. |
It's a no-brainer. |
It's a perfect
decision for me to handle. |
I'm
glad you asked me that. |
Public relations has written a carefully phrased answer. |
I see you involved
your peers in developing your proposal. |
One person couldn't
possibly come up with something this stupid. |
There are larger issues at stake. |
I've made up my mind so don't bother me with the facts. |
I'll never lie to
you. |
The truth will change
frequently. |
Our
business is going through a paradigm shift. |
We
have no idea what we've been doing, but in the future we shall do
something completely different. |
Value-added. |
Expensive. |
Human Resources. |
A
bulk commodity, like lentils or cinder blocks. |
The upcoming
reductions will benefit the vast majority of employees. |
The upcoming
reductions will benefit me. |