MBA HumorABC for MBAs
 

Stuff you don't learn at Harvard

Real-life lessons for MBA students

 

Management Humor | Business Humor | MBA Humor

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Beware of Pranks!

Case Study #3:

Business Ethics

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said: "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the shit!

 

Q: What can we learn from this?

 

A: You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.

 

 

 

The 10 best MBA excuses when caught napping

1. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
3. This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in my MBA course.
3. I was working smarter-not harder.
4. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!
5. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
6. I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan
7.This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!
8. The coffee machine is broken...
9. The mailman flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot.

10. Damn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our strategic dilemma.

Change Management

 

Change Management 

 

 

Pranks Warning

Having received such a high education degree, you are obviously aiming for the top. Unfortunately your impressive business card and blind ambition makes you into an ideal spoof target. 

Here are some tips to avoid some of the most common fresh MBA pranks:

  • Watch out for bogus notes on your new desk regarding some fake project that reads, "I need those XYZ numbers ASAP!" Do not wander around like a fool trying to figure out who wrote the note and what it is about!

  • Be alert at al times for people having superglued a Dollar or Euro coin to the floor to prove how greedy MBA's are.

 

 

Reported Earnings

 

Reported Earnings

 

Corporate Innovation

 

Corporate Innovation

 

The Universal 6 Project Phases

                1. Enthusiasm 

             2. Disillusionment
 
                3. Panic  
        4. Search for the Guilty

                5. Punishment of the Innocent

    6. Praise for the Non-Participants

 

Beware of Pranks!

Case Study #4:

Corporate Communication

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

 

Q: What can we learn from this?
 

A1: Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
A2: Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
A3: Most importantly: when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.

 

 

Japanese vs. American management style

Two teams of American and Japanese corporations have a boat race. On the big day the Japanese win by a mile.

 

The discouraged Americans hire a consulting firm to investigate the problem. The findings are that the Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering while the American team had one rower and eight people steering. Based on these results, the American team is completely reorganized to include four steering managers, four steering area managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

The following year the Japanese win again, so the Americans lay off the rower for poor performance and give the manager a bonus for discovering the problem.

 

 

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2013, ABC for MBAs - Management Humor - Business Humor - MBA Humor - Last updated: 2013-06-30

 

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